My Journey With Self Love and Dealing With Anxiety
If you reach out to the kids I went to high school with, they will tell you I am not the same person I once was. When I was a teen, I was plagued with anxiety; I felt lost, and like I didn’t belong anywhere. For a long time, I didn’t even think I was going to apply to college. LIM was the only college I ended up applying to. That being said, it changed my life.
While I was terrified of moving to a completely different state, something in my gut knew it was the right decision. When I started at LIM, I regained the confidence I had as a young child. A passion grew in me that I thought I'd lost, and I remembered what it was like to enjoy school again. I didn’t just learn to like school; I learned in order to be a better person, to enjoy life as it comes, and to be the main character in my own book. It’s not easy, and I still struggle, but that’s okay. If I never experience pain and hardship, I would never truly know that beauty is happiness and success.
Here are a few things that have helped me gain control of my anxiety and change my perspective on the world. Please keep in mind everyone handles things differently and what brings me comfort might not bring you comfort. However, no matter how hard things are, no matter how alone you feel, know that you’re not. You’re stronger than you think.
First, I learned to surround myself with people I love and that have similar interests and beliefs as me. I dropped all the toxic people I had in my life and I embraced the ones who wanted to be there for me for better or worse. Coming to LIM was a big part of that. In high school, I felt like no one understood me, but at LIM, I'm surrounded by beautiful people who share my passion. I am grateful for all the wonderful and kind people I have met here, they help me see the beauty within myself.
Next, I started journaling. I know every therapist always says it’s good to journal, but writing is not my thing and I don’t normally enjoy it. So I found it helpful, instead of just writing how I felt every day, to answer a question, write an affirmation, and then draw a picture. The questions varied in their significance; some were easy like “If I can be any animal what would I be?” and some made me reflect on myself like “What causes you to feel unworthy?” or,“ Ideally, how would you want others to describe you?” This helped me get in touch with my inner self and truly figure out what is important to me and what kind of person I want to be.
I also started doing a lot of research. I looked for articles on coping mechanisms, I listened to Ted Talks (I’ll link a few of my favorites at the end), and most of all, I realized I wasn’t crazy for feeling what I was feeling. Part of my anxiety is that I don’t like knowing the unknown. I like having control, but that’s not always possible. One simple phrase I have begun saying to myself when I start to overthink is, “You never really know.” Yes, what I am thinking is possible, but I won’t ever really know what’s going to happen until it does.
Most importantly, I have done everything I can to speak positively of myself and I made a promise that I would always try to be 100% genuine to who I am. I used to be afraid of being myself. I always felt that I would say the wrong things and therefore people didn’t like me, but there are no right or wrong things when it comes to being who you are. Once you realize and start to value yourself, other people will too. There’s a cheesy saying, “How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you,” by Rupi Kaur, and it’s true. Put yourself first, know what you want, work towards self-growth, and know that no matter what, you are whole just as you are. Sometimes when I'm struggling to see my worth, I write down all the things I love about myself or the things I have accomplished and what I am looking forward to accomplishing. Sometimes a little reminder to be kind to me goes a long way.
Some other things I do that I find helpful are listening to music, dancing, creating art, breathing techniques, and sometimes I just lay in bed and watch a movie. Oh, and crying. When I feel like crying, I cry. I find holding it in makes me feel stuck and like I'm invalidating my feelings. I know I still have to work to be the best version of myself, but I’m proud of the progress I’ve made, and if you’re reading this I’m proud of you too and I’m sending you my love.
Ted Talk Recommendations:
How to make stress your friend