Self-Love is The Answer
Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself. If only I had a dollar for every time I heard that...
Self-love, what exactly is that? I think self-love is the ability to commit to yourself in ways that no one else can for you. It’s showing up for yourself on days where you don’t feel your very best. It’s loving all sides of you, even the ugly too. I believe that when you master true, genuine self-love life begins to fall in love with you.
“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you” - Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey
Growing up we were always told to love ourselves, though we are never actually taught how to do just that. Luckily, I have learned a few things about falling in love with yourself and I’m going to share them with you:
1. Start saying “NO” more often
This actually changed my life. I never realized how much of a “yes man” I was until I started to reject things. When you are consistently giving up your personal time to do things for others, you subconsciously tell yourself that your time isn’t worthy or valuable. Your time IS worthy and valuable, so begin saying “no” to things especially if you actually don’t want to do it.
2. Purposely spend time alone
Spending time alone, ahhh so scary! No, it isn’t. It’s actually quite rewarding being able to spend time alone. You’re stuck with yourself for this entire lifetime, so you might as well get used to it. When I first moved to NYC, a big city where I knew absolutely no one, I spent hours upon hours alone, sure I got bored and lonely sometimes, but I discovered hobbies. I picked up reading again, I started to write poetry, I learned how to meditate, and the list goes on (hobbies boost your self-esteem, I definitely recommend starting some). Once you finally start to get comfortable alone, you will begin to feel like the person you were always meant to be. This feeling will cause you to start rejecting those around you who do not let you feel this way. Think about it: if you feel like your most real, most genuine self-being alone then why would you tolerate those who do not allow you to feel that way? And that, my friends, is the key to real self-love.
3. Accept your feelings
I think we spend so much time bringing ourselves down for having certain emotions, instead of just accepting the feeling and embracing it. When you suppress your emotions, you invite these feelings to store inside of you which never allows you to actually get over them. Understand that all that you feel is valid and normal, but it is completely up to you what you choose to do with those feelings.
4. Show up for yourself
As humans, we naturally put so much expectation onto the people around us. We expect those we love and care about to make us happy, and when they let us down, we get sad and disappointed. I think that is one of the biggest mistakes we make, depending on our love and happiness on people rather than on ourselves. Humans are humans which means we aren’t perfect, so why is a non-perfect person putting so much expectation onto another non-perfect person? The only expectation you can control is the one you put on yourself, so instead of waiting for someone else to make you happy, show up for yourself in ways that no one can, and suddenly the expectation on others disappears.